I’ve got it! Scientists are monkeys!

A recent study on monkeys supposedly shows that men who grow beards “might be growing beards to appear more attractive to women and more dominant to other men.”

Yeah, that’s it, it has nothing to do with the fact that maybe, either:

1) Men just like to grow beards
2) Men just don’t feel like shaving
3) Men just want to look like monkeys

Okay, I made that last one up. But you never know. This must be one of those “evolution” things I never quite evolved enough to understand.


I’m sorry Cameron Macphail, I guess I’m just not “hipster” enough to understand your intelligent hypothesis. but I guess this can’t technically qualify as a hypothesis since you don’t offer any means testing analysis. The best you offer is:

The team

investigated 154 species of primates, and found more conspicuous badges in males of species where social and physical conflict were common and individual recognition was”

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think doing tests on monkeys are 1 to 1 comparisons. I think monkeys might do one thing and humans might do something else.

You’ve presented a whole bunch of theory without many facts. How about this for an idea? Why don’t you do a study that actually looks at men and beards. You might do something as simple as walking up to a man with a beard and asking him “Hey, why did you grow the beard?.”

No, that would be too easy, and you probably wouldn’t get paid much to do it.

I’ve got it! Scientists are monkeys! After all, monkeys just sit around all day, look around for fun things to do, eat and pick at each other.

That’s a joke for you people who haven’t evolved enough to understand one yet.

Think about it, many “scientists” make money by sitting around all day thinking about things nobody else thinks about, like why men grow beards. Must be nice. Sign me up!